After Twelve Years

After twelve years in a finance career that I never wanted, I realized something quite profound in 16 months of unemployment.  I realized that I thought I wanted a career and as it turns out, I just wanted paychecks.  So now I work at a counter in a "restaurant" for a great guy and get talked down to on a daily basis while I am trying to become an established writer.  I work at a "restaurant" that has no waiters and with customers that do not tip while living on a wage that is less than  my first job in LA. 
I received more respect with a job that made me miserable, at a level and in a field that most acheive with degrees and CPA's and that I acheived with absolutely no schooling.  Now with the freedom of creativty and a chance to try something without the fear of failing, but more of fear of never trying, I am treated with disrespect because I don't follow your rules.
These are some fucked up times. 
I feel like giving up multiple times in the day, today more than other days.  Today I feel like ripping the danglers off of the douche bag that told me today that "I am not worth a tip!" or the other douche who waived his hands in my face to shoo me away because I was told to charge him for his extra sides.  A note to the two separate douche bags: Douche Bag 1: if your hair has more product in it than mine, there is something wrong and to Douche Bag 2: tribal tattoo's were never cool; it's just stupid to wear a shirt to show them off.  But I digress, giving up does nothing and will only give me more work when I finally realize that I should never had given up.  I just want a release.  I want to go to a dark bar with my friends and smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink some Jack Daniels and listen to some good rock n roll on the juke box and dance and relax and feel like I am in my skin again and instead of living a life that I didn't sign up for.  I didn't sign up for this.  I don't want people to think they can speak to me however they chose because I don't live my life the same way or in the same order as you.  You all have no idea how truly different I am from all of you.  I am a liberal that believes two people that are in love deserve the right to be married no matter of their sexual orientation.  I believe that if you want to believe in a God that is your choice but know that not believing in God is ok too.  I believe that Obama is a great man but will never be received as a great President because of his skin color/religion. 
Um, I believe in so much more but my sleeping pill has totally kicked in and I shouldn't write anymore until this wears off.
XOXO-Alexandra
TO BE CONTINUED....................