No word on my fate...

I woke up this morning with a cloud over my head. I think I might be sleep deprived; it is simply too hot to sleep, or do anything else for that matter. When I woke up, I felt further away from dreams. It's odd and hopefully I can explain this so you can understand. Yesterday, I officially became a published writer. My very first article was posted at the examiner.com Dallas. I was so excited, I was finally writing, a career I had been saying I wanted to do for years and I was also accomplishing what I said I was moving back to Dallas for. I simply could not afford to be in L.A. and wait to be published in such an expensive city. Getting published was amazing and I felt on top of the world!
It all started late last night when I was watching VH1's Behind the Music of Courtney Love, which was amazing by the way.  Hole's album 'Live Through This' is hands down one of the best albums that came out of the 90's and I was so very fortunate to see both Nirvana and Hole in concert when I was in high school!  Anyways, I digress; during a commercial for Colonial Life Penn, I started to feel alone. I was thinking about my life and my five year plan.  I started to realize how long it truly takes to get my writing noticed.  I have both family and friends who have yet to come to either of my blogs!  And this isn't an oh whoa is me moment, this is fact.  Again, I am getting off subject.  In my five year plan, NYC is supposed to happen in the next 8 months.  I have always dreamt about living in New York City, since the first time I saw Breakfast at Tiffany's, and now, with this writing gig as Dallas' Rock Music Examiner and living in Dallas and realizing how long it truly takes to get noticed writing, I feel as if NYC is getting further and further away.  Then, in superbly dramatic fashion, I flash forwarded my life to way later in the future and I began to have an old Alexandra thought of what my one regret in life would be and it was not living in New York City.  I thought getting published would bring me closer to my dreams, not further away.  Oh boo cruel world! 

I don't want to say what I am about to say because I am so afraid it will come off snobbish.  That has been my biggest criticism since I started this blog and the Dear Dallas blog, that I come off snobbish and elitist.  Oh well, I am going to roll the dice and say it anyways, I probably am an elitist snob.  Here it is, simply put, I do not want to end up where I began.  I don't want to wrap it up and say this is it, you are in Dallas.  You may travel here and there but here is your life.  Dallas, you are a great city and I am so grateful that family will always be here, so I can always visit and travel here.  And if I have kids, bring them here so they understand where their Mom started and how this great city and great state molded me.  But for me and for my life, I want something else.  I have always wanted to live in a city with the classic four seasons and I have always felt a tug to the east coast.  One last note Dallas, and I think most of you will agree; I hate the heat and four months of something you hate is not a building block. And coming back to this monster you call a summer is hard, especially since I don't remember it being this way when I was yonger.  I loved L.A. for many reasons but one of the biggest was the weather.  80 degree weather 300 days of the year is nice living.

So that is what keeps me up at night, ruins my sleep and then the following day and what got me feeling alone late last night.  I regergitated my inner most thoughts to you, virtual diary that anyone can read.  What if NYC is not in the cards?  What if Dallas is the end of the race?
And to add insult to injury, if we can call it that, I also woke up to several emails and twitter emails regarding the said article and the link/website; apparently the link I had so diligently emailed, twittered and facebooked out into the internet universe was no longer working. My article could not be found. I panicked and emailed my contact at the examiner to receive a luke warm response. So now I technically have no proof of my column and I feel stupid and have all of these emails to explain what was so plainly explained to me. Basically, they did some website construction last night and "still have a lot of bugs to work out." I would never have published my article if I was given any indication that there would be problems the next day, I would have waited. So boo to you too examiner.com!

I need some coffee.